Thank U, Next: personal notes on a breakup and Botox
I got dumped recently, on Valentine’s Day. Wah-wah. Not by my husband, to be clear, but by another partner. A beauty company. Their side of the relationship had been to provide me with medical facials like laser and microneedling to undo sun damage, stimulate cell growth, and generally help me treat my skin well because it’s the home in which I live. In return, I shared on social media about my hydrated, even-toned skin that I enjoyed post-treatments. The local clinic staff are so lovely and I thought it was a good match! And yet, head office decided otherwise so here I am eating ice cream and listening to Adele.
Okay, I’m drinking water and writing in total silence but that’s no way to start a breakup lament, is it?
The catalyst for my contract’s termination came during an interview I did with CBC about beauty and aging. I cringe to think of re-listening because as I remarked a few times through the interview, I didn’t feel like the right guest. Basically, Madonna’s appearance at the Grammys triggered people on social media to discuss what society expects of women and I was called in to chat about the broader topic. My commentary on beauty from makeup to Botox were so live and let live, I came away thinking I added very little to the conversation. Madonna’s face is none of my biz and whatever tweak a woman chooses to make to her appearance, my only hope is that it comes from a place of self-love. Being happy with how you look is a worthy goal!
Madonna can look however she likes, thx!
But you know when someone breaks up with you, especially if it’s the first time it’s ever happened (I’ve been very choosy with who I work with and have longstanding relationships with… every business in my past, I would say?), it’s dissection time. A post mortem. “Was it something I said?” you wonder. And in this case, indeed it was! I’m not sure which straw broke the camel’s back but here are some personal tidbits I shared during the interview. Let’s dive in:
I got over my insecurities early and it was WORK. I didn’t wear shorts for 10 years because I thought my knees were ugly. Isn’t that sad? Seeing them as functional was the way I started seeing them neutrally and it works for pretty much every feature I don’t love. My big lips were made fun of as a kid and I got over that the same way I did my knees. Now big lips are in, go figure! (I hope you can appreciate your body and features for their function, too.)
You’ll often see me without makeup. Please do still say hello, I’m always the same person no matter my wrapping. I feel confident you’ll accept me for me & I’ll do the same for you.
I’ve had laser and other facials to take care of my skin. ZERO judgement to anyone opting for fillers and Botox, I just haven’t had either… yet! No guarantee how I’ll feel about that in the future.
My hesitation with Botox is that I appreciate my read-me-like-a-book face. I’m expressive and I’m not sure I want to stifle that. But again, I reserve the right to change my mind.
My friends who’ve had Botox and/or fillers look amazing. So do my friends who haven’t.
I like myself at 42 and don’t actively think of staying “young” because I surround myself with a variety of people and images. My mom hasn’t had Botox and is beautiful and I don’t have many influencers in my feed, instead I follow accounts that keep me informed. And yet…
We’re indoctrinated into a world that puts youth on a pedestal so it’s pretty hard to say we choose to do literally anything free from that lens.
Other people’s faces are not mine to judge. Getting things done for “the right reason” means the reason that’s right for you.
I hate the term “anti-aging”. Ooh I think this might be the one. Aging is better than the only alternative which, of course, is not having the privilege to age. I’m not trying to reverse time here, my efforts are to make my skin healthy, glowy, to soften lines, even its texture … no age-phobic language required.
Whatever thought that didn’t align with the company’s, I had to let go and move on. It’s me, hi, I’m the problem it’s me. Because while I know the beauty industry is in the business of selling procedures and treatments, I certainly wasn’t a salesperson in this interview. And I will never be.
But do I think getting an esthetic treatment and discussing the nuances in my thoughts as a woman are mutually exclusive? NO. Sure don’t. And in the month since this breakup, guess what? I’ve discovered there is value of my openness and have found a new partner called SKN YXE who not just accepts me but supports me in it. I had a good cry during my time meeting Owner Shereen not just because of my emotions over last month’s breakup, but because she shared of her own heart. I could spend a few more paragraphs gushing about her and about SKN YXE but that’s for another time. Point is, I’m in a new and healthy relationship.
And here’s something you’ll relate to after a bit of time passes after a breakup: you understand that the fit wasn’t as perfect as you thought! I wish nothing but good things for the clinic staff I worked with (again, they are awesome) and if you’re happy with your provider there, I sure won’t side-eye you for your visits. Those relationships are important. But for me, I realize I should have been partnered with a 100% locally-owned clinic right from the beginning.
I don’t always agree when people say “everything happens for a reason” but this time, I believe it.
xo Maygen
